Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Spontaneous Combustion Pending...

I started my blog this way, but I feel like it's still true: A truly good story really does start with a lump in your throat.

It's been a lumpy sort of a week... a month... a semester... a year, actually. All the things have just been building and building and building x 37... I feel like the poor little frog from the Hulk movie that explodes. Like the bird from Shrek that unsucessfully tries to match Princess Fiona's rising intensity in song. The background music giving plenty of warning for those with weak stomachs to look away.

Fortunately, no one has had to mop my guts up off the floor yet, but I'd like to avoid that scenario.

This feeling is definitely a combination of all of the things that have happened over the course of the year and the way I've come to process those things... Haha, it's probably also partially because of the music I've been listening to and the level of depth and intensity it adds to it (Mumford & Sons has been on repeat all week... Listen to it for a week on repeat and tell me that's not true, I dare you).

This is definitely not the space to go public about some of my experiences this year, but as I continue to engage with them, to face them, to embrace them, this is the space to externalize some of that. And to engage with the new things that come up. Ha, every time I identify myself as an external processor there's a little part of me inside that rolls its eyes. I never thought that would be true.... Cheralyn? An external processor? What? Except that it actually has always been true, I just haven't had space to do that well up until recently. My whole life made a lot more sense as soon as I named that as a thing. I think I'm an external processor both in the sense that I organize my thoughts and come to a conclusion in voice/writing and that I need to vocalize something before I can internalize it as true. Craazy.

I think that's what this space is for.

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